:just thought it would be nice to share my thoughts on what I want for my life. I plan to keep this post up as the first one and... update it Futurely. Haha.

General Plans

:I have two pathways for my future as of now.
My plans are: I either go live in a van in (preferably) Europe, I DO have a Job. But it's a home office thing and I can do it from my computer! And I can have road trips whenever I want and I don't have any kids and well whatever that's the basic stuff. OOORRR I live in the middle of the woods/in a rural area, my job is either something more manual or Still Home Office Computer stufff and I have a stable amount of money and cant really travel a lot but thats okay. Maybe adopt a kid but only if good amount of money. My plan for the future is, basically, to be upper middle class, not really contribute to society in a meaningful way, and have a flexible work schedule. I know my cat of right now is going to die. someday. But I like to hope he's going to be with me. When he dies, I think I'd get a rabbit. And then a cat again. If i can't get a rabbit, maybe uhh. a hamster! OR OR! a BIRD!! Something. I wanna have lotsa pets in the future :DD

Job Plans

: I don't really fantasize about Jobs. Jobs are the things that least motivate me to work towards the future... They feel like more of a medium towards my goal (house. road trips.) than The Goal itself. What I want with jobs has to do more with the characteristics of it. Good salary and flexible work schedule are a good start... I just don't know if I have any talents that would make my odds of finding a good job higher... Uni is rounding the corner, so I really have to decide huh... My main choices right now are graphic design & fashion design. Im a bit artistic haha. Maybe I can put this blog in my resume? Ok no no no way, maybe a LATER site can go in the resume this one's CSS is kinda maintained with duct tape and faith. And it gotta be a neocities one too! Has to be uh something I can show the code of with PRIDE, like SEE, I MADE IT!!!!!!!!... anyway! Design in general Is my thing for now. But I'd love to do something on sociology and hmm. Like, history. but specific histories. Like history of Paper. Ok now yhats not a thing haha but still... I don't think thats a good money maker. Design isnt either though!!! I need to do research on this. How much money does a graphic designer do anyway. Freelancing is kinda risky... But it does come with the advantage of filling out one of my boxes! Flexible Schedule haha! im just worried i'll be so flexible I may as well be unemployed!!... See, stoff i need to do research on Before I pick my major. But it's nice to have a good idea of what i want! I think job traits come first before job itself. Im not sure how well i'd like to work with mechanical stuff but itd be nice ... Anything going against my moral code is a big no. So, AI is crossed off my list along some others. I think if I could I'd be a writer! But I'm not really unique when it comes to writing. What would I even write about, anyhow. My life experiences arent really memorable. These days, being a writer kinda just goes along with doing something else. Then you write about doing the something else yk. If you gonna be a full time writer it has to be fictional works... and i dont think im good with that actually. Not that i dont have imagination its just that a lot of it is Uhh I project a lot. A lot of my fictional writings are ultimately about myself... And I know thats normal but Um you have to be original and diverse right And Im bad with that. Haha so yeah, Im more of a Graphic Artist. Im kinda bad with fashion so Its a second choice. And Although I like photography, Freelancing on photography is not very flexible I think? Like, you cant do it from your place. You have to Go There . Yea Yea. Art does seem like the thing that matches me the most. Having a band would be nice tho! Especially with a van, I could do shows While I travel! nice! But OOP. Theres the money problem again. Then again, Theres a very hypothetical argument happening inside my head. I need to first Fundamentally Understand the jobs. But i guess music and design are my first options! Art Art Art!

Stupid Stuff Wishlist Thing

:ok first things first I want to have enough money to keep my platinum blonde & Yeah take my hormones. And surgeries. After that, I'd say... I want to master a lot of instruments! First guitar, then my melodica, thenn a violin, thennnnn um. oh drums for sure. Then well i dont know maybe keyboard? Ohhh flute. and harmonica for sure!!! After instruments I think id like to master a lotta languages. Spanish, Russian, a tiny bit of Mandarin.. Some korean, and then some other niche languages I don't know of yet. But especially spanish. I mean I Am going to europe right...would be a good start to that HAHA.... Okay now I don't really have a lot of material wishes. A lot of what I want is more like... emotional things. Still physical, like feeling like myself and liking my own body, but there's also finding someone to travel with If i ever feel like I need to. I WOULD like a very comfortable bed though. I want comfortable things in my day to day life. Carpeted floors, comfortable warm lights, comfortable home plants... Things that scream home to me. So I want one of these beds that are like really tall solely because of how SOFT they are... I want it to be very large too. Like, I can sleep in any position. Maybe if I work on not moving so much while I sleep, I could sleep in a suspended bed. But I think I would fall a lot so not really. I just want to MELT and BECOME ONE with the bed when I lay in it. I want to have GOOD socks. Like, socks that dont make my feet smell really bad. I want to use socks allll the time heh. OH I want to live in a cold place... Or like maybe not cold everyday jsut I want real stations of the year yk... Not Hot eeveryday. ... Although. That depends on how much of the world is burning by then. So. haha. It's looking bad for me... ... ...I want to cosplay regularly!! Like maybe have two to three cosplays and use them to go to shopping malls or something. I want to Merge with the characters I cosplay as, so like, Has to be characters I really relate to. Okay, moving on! TATTOOSSSSS AND PIERCINGS Obviously!!!! Lotsa body mods!! Become the stereotype!!! I do have a body mod wishlist, So I think later I'll post about it and link it here. Now, about clothes. Oh goshh. I wanna have a really cool wardrobe!!! I want to have a lot of jackets and parkas and cool caps and cargo pants and straight jeans and band tshirts with lots of cotton.......... So nice.

Morally...

:I'd like to be a nice person. I'd like for Him to be with me or to just... remember me. I'd like to be a memorable person. I attribute this temporary attribute to everything that really manages to fuck my head up. So I'd like to at the least not fuck things up with the people that are with me for the time they are. I'd like that when I go, people remember me as someone they enjoyed spending time with, who had nice contibutions to conversations, who helped others with advice, and most importantly, who was happy. I want to stop bitching and be grateful for what and who I have. I want to stop feeling everyone wants to knife me whenever I turn the corner, I want to trust people. In my gravestone, I want written: "He was a good friend." Haha. Such a nice thought to have when I already fucked things up with people who coulda sticked with me. And for stupid reasons. God, I wish my brain could stop mulling over Him. I wish I had the courage to actually confront my feelings and then be able to talk with Him about things. To be able to ask to start things over...

This is the end of the post.

:you see, my rule for this post was to stop writing when things i can do now start popping up. for now, i'll prep for my psych consult and stop thinking about the past.
But this is not the REAL end! Just this entry's end!

Anyway, buhbye!